


Time in a Bottle

by ninjamonkey73



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjamonkey73/pseuds/ninjamonkey73
Summary: She pulled off a glove and reached out to touch the brilliant blue in Chakotay's hand. When her finger first brushed the etching, the contents suddenly changed color and intensity, shining even brighter than they imagined possible in a vibrant shade of magenta.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	Time in a Bottle

**Author's Note:**

> Written circa 1997, when I still thought 3rd person omniscient was the best POV of all time.
> 
> Standard disclaimers apply, Paramount, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Pulling the neck of her Starfleet-issue parka closed with the gloved fingers of her left hand, Captain Kathryn Janeway raised a small glass carving of one of Sterek III's larger land mammals up to the setting sun. Two hours in the open-air market and each booth offered something more spectacular than the last. The detailing on the creature nestled in the black fleece on her hand was exquisite; the reds and oranges of the sunset seemed to actually emanate from the carving, rather than the setting sun. Kathryn gestured toward the cart keeper with the carving, "How much?"

Smiling, the small, elderly Sterek leaned over and gently raised the carving, appraising it. "You have chosen a carving of a darron. They are extinct now, sadly. For you," he eyed her clearly foreign features as he calculated. "For you, I ask only 24 bits."

Kathryn laughed. "Come now, kind sir. You don't really think that's a fair price, do you? I will give you 16, but no more."

"20 bits."

"16"

"18"

"16. I intend to stand firm." Kathryn took back the small figurine and reached into her coat pocket for the correct local tender. Early trading with the government had set the crew up with spending money for their shore leave. Ship's supplies had not even come close to half of what Sterek's leaders were willing to pay for Voyager's offered articles. Finally able to give her crew some latitude with respect to personal items, Captain Janeway had cheerfully divided up "the spoils" (as the senior officers had taken to calling the windfall) evenly among the crew before allotting several hours to each in which to spend their share. Kathryn herself was among the last group on the planet, fortunately for her, since she had been given plenty of warning about the market keepers' penchant for hiking up their prices for outsiders.

The old man squinted and wrinkled his gray snout. "16 it is then. You are quite a tough business woman."

"Yes, she is."

Kathryn knew the voice without even having to turn around. "Commander. Shouldn't you be running our ship?"

Chakotay stepped up to the cart and took the darron carving from Kathryn. "It's beautiful! Did I hear you say it's now extinct?"

The shopkeeper took Kathryn's proffered 16 bits and nodded slowly. "3 centuries ago, these magnificent creatures were our chief companions on this planet. Hundreds of thousands lived among us. The invention of mechanized travel led to their extinction in a way."

"How so?" Kathryn took the carving back from Chakotay and turned it over in her hand, raising her eyes back to the merchant.

"We didn't realize they were susceptible to the radiation until the mutations left nearly all of them sterile. We thought they were carrying a sort of flu until their offspring's offspring began to show signs of radiation poisoning. By then, the vehicles were a necessary part of our society and the darrons were a lost cause. Within 25 years an entire species had been rendered sterile; 20 years after that, the last one died."

"And so now you honor their memories in your art?" Chakotay stuffed his ungloved hands into the pockets of his jacket and shifted his weight from one cold foot to the other.

The merchant laughed. "Such a delicate species! Are you cold?"

"A bit. We're used to about 15 degrees warmer on our Celsius temperature scale." Chakotay turned to his captain. "Shall we move along and get some circulation going?"

Kathryn thanked the shopkeeper and began walking toward the next booth. When Chakotay fell into step beside her, she spoke. "You didn't answer my question before. Don't you belong running Voyager?"

"My shore leave was postponed by a crew dispute I was called in to settle. Seven was conducting unauthorized repairs again. Harry was...well, I don't think the poor guy knows quite how to handle her."

Janeway smiled. "No, I suppose he doesn't. That accounts for 4 hours of lost time?"

They reached the next merchant's table and Chakotay stopped, mouth open to answer, staring transfixed at the centrally displayed item. Her question was quickly forgotten when Kathryn followed Chakotay's gaze and felt herself drawn in as well. On a small pedestal in the middle of a sea of bric-a-brac and unremarkable odds and ends stood a small, cobalt blue vial that seemed to be glowing with an inner light. Approximately 10 centimeters tall, stoppered off with a tiny cork, and etched around the middle with images of... Kathryn couldn't be sure what the etchings represented.

Chakotay was the first to break the spell it held over them and reach for it. Heat emanated from the bottle in waves, warming Chakotay's cold hands. On closer inspection, the contents swirled in the vial in direct proportion to how brightly it glowed. Wherever Chakotay's hand made contact with the vial, it shone more brightly.

"Let me see." Kathryn closed the gap between them, leaning on Chakotay's arm to get a better view of their latest find. "It reacts to touch?"

"Mmm." He laid the small bottle full on his palm and both gasped softly when the fluid inside came fully alight.

She pulled off a glove and reached out to touch the brilliant blue in Chakotay's hand. When her finger first brushed the etching, the contents suddenly changed color and intensity, shining even brighter than they imagined possible in a vibrant shade of magenta.

"Incredible," she breathed.

Neither one noticed the shop owner slip up behind them. "Your time together has been rich and full of turmoil, yes?"

Startled, both spun to face the towering gray man behind them, protectively cradling their find between them. Kathryn ran a finger down the length of the small vial and watched the color travel with her fingertip, a small, fiery ball of heat and light. Surprised to find herself so caught up in the object before her, she tried to pull herself back into command mode and compose herself, but wound up utterly speechless when she laid three fingers across the vial in a one-last-touch gesture. The jolt of energy that ran through her sent a shiver down her spine. She had never felt so alive, so… aroused. It was the only word that came to mind, whether she wanted to admit it or not. It had been a very long time...

Still at a complete loss for words, she managed to raise her eyes long enough to find Chakotay's and establish that he too had felt something. Something they shouldn't have, something dangerously appealing, dangerously intoxicating. Something horribly, perfectly right. It was that thought alone that propelled her back into better control of the situation.

Struggling to find her full voice, she half breathed, "How much?"

The lanky Sterek smiled warmly, looking down on Voyager's command team the way a grandparent looks fondly down on the center of its universe with an amused sense of accomplishment. "You don't even know what it is yet!" He chuckled, eyes crinkling.

Had Janeway not been so utterly rapt with the object in her First Officer's clutches, she would most likely have felt a bit condescended by the behemoth before her. As it stood, she barely managed to pry her fingers from the now searing vial between their hands. With the contact broken, some of the fog in her head lifted, a fog she had previously been unaware of, she noted.

"Chakotay, put it down for a minute." Using a tone intended to pull his attention away from the mysterious object, Janeway reached out and gently lifted Chakotay's chin so that their eyes met.

"Hmm?" He blinked and tried to focus on her words.

"Put...it...down," she mouthed slowly and her voice brooked little argument.

Placing it back upon its pedestal, Chakotay shook the cobwebs from his head and took a deep breath. He didn't realize he hadn't been breathing properly until the vial left his hand, "What the hell is that?"

Again smiling down on them in their folly, the merchant walked around his cart to stand behind it and adjusted the position of the vial on its display. When he touched it, the contents briefly flared an intense green. "You are not the first of your people to admire it. They tell me your translator is unable to translate its name. We call it an erakataar. Its function is difficult to explain. The colors represent different things in different situations, as do all of the erakataar's odd behaviors."

A thousand questions clamored to be asked in Janeway's scientist's mind. Now fully back in control of her senses, she attempted to impose order on her buzzing thoughts. "Other members of my crew inquired about it?"

Funny she should choose that question first, the alien mused, sensing it to be merely the first of many. "Several of your crew inspected the item, but found it to be lacking."

How that was possible, Chakotay did not understand. "None purchased one?" he asked.

"The erakataar is selective about its owners. You would be the only ones on your ship to possess such a marvel."

"I'm still uncertain exactly what it is for, what it does, and more importantly, how," Kathryn studied the object carefully, this time without touching it. A part of her was just about ready to unholster her tricorder, but she fought the urge.

"All of those questions are of no consequence, although they do reveal a great deal about you," he gestured toward her for a name to call her.

"I'm sorry. I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager." She extended her hand to the alien, which he took and raised to his lips.

"The pleasure is mine, Captain."

A blush rose to Kathryn's cheek and she glanced away from the shopkeeper to find Chakotay grinning at her. "Tell me more about this erakataar of yours...And how much you want for it."

The merchant laughed. "So immediately you return to business! This vial is many things to many people. For some, it stores memories of time past. For others, it holds the promise of the future. For still others, it marks the present and all of its wonders. My people have a legend..."

Kathryn and Chakotay's eyes met at the mention of a legend. He smiled and again, color rose briefly to her cheeks. She immediately turned her attention back to the merchant.

The alien continued without seeming to notice the exchange. "... Regarding the erakataar. It has been told that a select few are chosen to experience the erakataar's gifts."

Running her right thumb along the fingertips that had felt the power of the erakataar beneath them, Kathryn thought about the alien's words. They had certainly experienced something worth investigating. Investigating? How sterile a term came to her mind for such a wondrous experience! "And we have been chosen?"

"In a sense. You wish it to be yours?"

Both nodded in assent to the alien's query.

"Then the price is 5 bits and 1 condition."

"5 bits?" "1 condition?"

Both spoke at once, Janeway incredulous over the ridiculously low price, Chakotay cautious about what the condition might be.

Another rumbling laugh shook the merchant as he looked from one stranger to the other. "And I thought you would ask who was to have possession of the erakataar! Yes, only 5 bits, " he directed toward Janeway. "And the one condition is," he turned to Chakotay, "that you both read thoroughly the instructions I give you before you do anything with it. Agreed?"

"Wholeheartedly!" Chakotay rummaged quickly through his pockets and pulled out the requested amount.

An uneasy feeling came over Kathryn. Things still felt out of her control for some reason and yet she wasn't sure why. The object clearly had some sort of hold over them before, and it was, therefore, a bad idea to purchase it because… because… Janeway stared at the vial struggling to remember why it was a bad idea to lose control.

"It's a refreshing change," she murmured, and took the erakataar back from its pedestal.

"What was that?" Chakotay leaned closer to Kathryn, assuming what she said had been intended for his ears only. When she didn't answer right away, he turned toward her. "Kathryn?"

The small vial emanated the softest blue light Chakotay had ever seen. It seemed to pulsate in a steady rhythm; he assumed it to be Kathryn's heartbeat. He reached to touch it.

"You have given your word," the merchant calmly stated as he removed the vial from Kathryn's hand and placed it in a black velvet bag, then carefully wrapped the bag and placed it in a small white box. Chakotay did not recall seeing him come around the cart, but took the box without question when it was offered and placed it deep in his jacket pocket.

"Our word is good. We will read whatever you wish before we open it again," Chakotay said, patting the pocket that contained their newfound wonder.

"Yes, well..." the shopkeeper went back behind his cart and disappeared from sight for a moment.

Kathryn turned and stared briefly at Chakotay's pocket, then raised her eyes to meet his, smiling slightly and giving a small wink before turning her attention back to the alien as he stood up with two data chips in his hands. Chakotay managed a small grin back before she turned away. 'Now what did that mean?' he wondered as he too turned back to the merchant before them.

"You must each read these together, and yet separately. You understand?" He reached across the cart and pressed a chip into each of their outstretched hands. "You sit in the same place with the erakataar between you and each read for yourself the meanings."

Both nodded slowly and slipped their respective data chips into their coat pockets. Janeway turned and surveyed the market.

"I have an idea." She spotted a crewman from Voyager and signaled him over. "Crewman Kanji, how many replicator rations would you be willing to trade for more currency to spend here?"

The crewman gave each of his commanding officers a puzzled look. "How much are we talking about?"

Janeway pulled the last of her share out of her pocket and elbowed Chakotay to do the same. She quickly calculated how much they had between them. "147 bits."

"One day's rations?" The crewman offered.

"Sold." Janeway dumped the currency into the confused crewman's hand and headed in the direction of their beam out location, throwing over her shoulder, "You can transfer the rations to my account when you get back aboard ship. I'll divide them with the commander. You are coming aren't you, Commander?"

Chakotay blinked and shook his head in slight confusion. "Yes, Captain. Right away." He needed only to jog a few steps to fall in with her. "That takes care of our R&R, I guess..."

"You didn't honestly want to stay down here with that thing burning a hole in your pocket, did you?"

"No, but... Never mind. I guess the crew will talk no matter what we do, anyway." He glanced over his shoulder and saw the crewman still watching their progress. Linking his arm with hers, he drew close to her ear and whispered, 'Want to give them a reason to talk?"

Kathryn playfully batted at Chakotay's arm and purred, "Commander?!"

Snow had begun to fall around them in whisper-soft flakes that clung to their jackets, hair, and eyelashes. They crested the hill for the transporter site and saw the valley on the other side buried beneath a healthy depth of snowfall. Nearly 30 minutes had passed since they first noted the change in weather.

"Janeway to Voyager."

The reply came back full of static. "Kim here, Captain. Is there a problem?"

"No. The Commander and I were going to beam back early, but it would appear the weather is going to be uncooperative." Kathryn looked at Chakotay's pocket, then up into the falling snow toward where she knew Voyager to be.

This time, Harry's voice came across a bit clearer, but it was still obvious the weather would pose an immediate problem for transporting back aboard. "Sorry, Captain. That snow is too metallic to safely beam through. I could send a shuttle down to you."

Chakotay looked back towards the marketplace in the distance. "That won't be necessary, Harry. We'll wait out the storm down here. Any idea what time frame we're looking at?"

"Current readings show the storm center has stalled right near your location. We can't tell how fast it will move out when it finally gets under way. Your guess is as good as it mine, sir."

"Well, it will be too difficult to get up this hill in much more snow, and we can't very well beam out of the village after they specifically asked us not to... We'll find a place to stay the night and contact you in the morning. Inform Tuvok. Chakotay out."

"Aye, sir."

"Stay the night? After I gave the last of our currency to Kanji? How do you propose we do that, Commander?" Kathryn pulled the collar of her jacket up around her ears and shuffled in place to warm up.

Wishing he had worn gloves, Chakotay blew into his hands and opened and closed them, hoping to get the blood flowing again. "We'll throw ourselves on the mercy of the local government and offer to pay tomorrow if they fail to take pity on us."

With that, they retraced their way back through the town center until they reached the governor's estate. After explaining how they had come to need lodging for the night, the governor waved over a servant.

"Prepare the guest room for our guests. Light a fire in the hearth and find them something to eat as well." He turned back to Kathryn and Chakotay. "If you can forgive me for being a poor host, I will be turning in for the evening. Duty calls early tomorrow morning."

Heaving an inward sigh of relief, Kathryn said, "Please, don't let us be a disturbance, we'll just settle in for the night and warm ourselves by the fire." There would be no need to play the diplomat tonight. Her thoughts returned to the purchase she and Chakotay had made just two hours previously. "We have reading to do anyway."

The governor eyed the two officers suspiciously. Reading? That they carried with them on shore leave on an unknown world? Otherworlders! Waving goodnight, he left them in the front sitting room to be collected when their room was ready. Not much more than a minute passed before they were escorted up a grand stone staircase to a room at the end of a long, tapestried corridor. The decor was exquisite.

Miraculously, food had already been laid out on the small table to the left of the entryway and a fire roared to the right. "If you need anything else, simply pull this cord," the servant stated as he backed out of the room and shut the door.

Chakotay began by inspecting their lodging, Kathryn by inspecting the platters of food. The room was immense, housing a gigantic canopied bed, ornate dresser, small dinner table and two chairs, a couch and coffee table by the fire, all dwarfed by the object beneath the picture window. It most closely resembled a grand piano and Chakotay sat himself down on its bench for a closer look. Unsure of how loudly it would play if indeed it were an instrument, he hesitantly laid a hand on the keys.

"I wish I had learned to play an instrument when I was younger," he declared softly.

She gestured for him to slide over on the bench and settled herself next to him. "You could use your holodeck time to learn. Or I could teach you. My parents settled for nothing less than a broad education of the mind, body, and soul."

Kathryn gently laid her hands on the keys and attempted a simple scale. It seemed to correspond closely enough for her to try a more complicated tune. Even playing a few incorrectly selected notes, the eerie, resonating instrument sang out like nothing Chakotay had ever heard before under Kathryn's skilled fingers.

"Beautiful." He stared at her as she concentrated beside him. So close, so impossibly accessible. He reached out to brush a few stray, damp hairs back behind her ear. She shuddered slightly under his touch and stopped playing.

"Your first lesson. Hands on the keys." Kathryn stood and moved behind him, gently easing him back to the center of the bench. She felt a bit more in control standing above him. "Play something for me."

"I just told you, I never learned how," Chakotay countered.

"I didn't ask for a piano concerto. Play anything. Any series of notes you feel like. Feel the music and let it out. It may not sound like anything worth recording for posterity, but it will be yours."

Hesitantly at first, then more confidently, Chakotay moved his inexperienced hands over the keys of the alien instrument. Before long, he found repeating patterns that were pleasing and which notes did not blend well with his creation. Many a sour note was hit, but the end result was entirely original and surprisingly smooth.

Kathryn placed her hands on his shoulders and squeezed lightly. "You seem to have a knack for it."

"It's my teacher. She inspires me." Chakotay rose from the bench before the moment grew too awkward, taking her hand and leading her toward the fire. "Before it gets much later, we have some reading to do."

Kathryn smiled and settled herself at one end of the couch while Chakotay removed the vial from its packaging and placed it in the center of the coffee table before the fire. As he collected their tricorders and data chips from their shed outer gear, he said, "And to think, I nearly didn't bother to bring one of these."

"Tricorders are standard equipment for away missions. Even shore leave falls under those protocols, Commander." Her voice belied the serious look on her face and Kathryn smiled as she took her tricorder from him. "Let me guess... You prefer to scan with your senses and leave the technology to when you are on duty."

A grin split Chakotay's features as he settled in on the other end of the couch. "Actually, I was going to say 'Protocol be damned!'" he chuckled.

She shook her head and turned her attention to her tricorder. Not the best instrument to read by, but with no data padd's handy, it was better than nothing. "It's interactive?" The first page requested a choice to be made. Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. He had already begun to make his selections and proceed with the reading.

Without glancing up, Chakotay remarked, "He did say it meant different things to different people."

"I guess I didn't take him as literally as he'd intended." Curious, the questions she was asked... "How are we supposed to reach only one conclusion if we get told different things?"

Chakotay spoke, obviously quoting. "Therefore, when two people jointly handle the erakataar, the cumulative results are to be used..."

"Why do I suddenly have the feeling we unknowingly purchased an intergalactic tarot deck?" Kathryn read on. When she reached the end, there was a chart and bold printed instructions not to read any further until after handling the erakataar. Glancing over the options and subsequent evaluations, Kathryn realized she had to make a decision. Chakotay would undoubtedly want to discuss their results, which meant she had to decide on one relationship category over the others. They were not relatives; that one was easy. Pupil and student? Only in the most basic sense. Any good relationship has some level of teaching and learning involved. Friends? Most definitely, but that left the last choice to be debated- and quickly. Would she be handling the erakataar with someone she loved?

The descriptions of the colors and meanings for friends versus a deeper relationship were markedly different. Choosing one over the other would result in very different endings. Admitting to anything more than friendship with Chakotay meant opening doors that she had always felt were best left closed. Denying it, however, meant not learning the true meaning of the erakataar's reaction to them. Kathryn's science training and inherently inquisitive nature rebelled at anything less than obtaining the most complete answer. What it might mean for her back aboard ship, though, weighed on her mind.

Her eyes went to the blue vial on the coffee table before the fire. The light of the undulating flames sparked off the bottle and lit it brilliantly, yet softly. She felt herself drawn in. Minute glowing particles dancing and swirled. A feeling of peace and calm washed over her. 'If we could stay here forever, I know what my answer would be,' she thought. As the thought was completed, Kathryn realized that duty had nothing to do with her perception of their relationship, only its execution. Not doing anything about it didn't change her feelings for him.

"Dilemma solved," she whispered and raised her eyes to find Chakotay staring at her, smiling slightly.

"Dilemma?" He could only guess what she meant by the remark; the question was essentially rhetorical. His last page, following all of the history and testimonials, had required selecting a path based on the nature of the relationship between the participants. His answer had come easily and without any thought. When he was done, he had watched Kathryn staring at the erakataar and was amazed by the profound look of peace and happiness that had come over her face. It could only mean good things for him.

Pretending not to have heard his question, she gestured toward their mystical purchase. "Ready?"

He reached for the vial and stopped, looking at Kathryn intently. The instructions bade them enter into the process with open minds, clear of unnecessary thoughts and worries. Much of her present state seemed to point toward a much less... constrained woman, but he still felt the need to relieve any lingering concerns for her.

"Is there a problem, Chakotay?" Kathryn watched him watching her, indeed, looking through her, as his mind seemed to race.

He smiled at her, crinkling his eyes warmly. She was caught off guard when he took her hand and spoke in a rather serious, hushed tone. "I don't expect anything more from you than I ever have before. Honesty, an open mind, your friendship. I can be content with those things for now. Whatever happens here tonight happens on your terms, Kathryn. Shall we?"

Before she had time to process his overwhelming ability to speak to her fears, their hands were on the erakataar and all ordered thought seemed suddenly impossible. And undesirable. She was filled with a light, an energy that sang through her veins and made her forget duty, rank, Voyager. It was all at once freeing and grounding. She had not felt so much herself in too long to remember. Opening her eyes, she felt herself falling into Chakotay's rich brown gaze.

Not even trying to find his center, he rode the wave of sensations the small vial enabled in him. When she raised her eyes to his, he was amazed by how different she looked. Unguarded, at ease... Overwhelmed? Perhaps a bit, he mused. He allowed himself to drink in the feeling and memorize how she looked. There was a childlike innocence to her features without her command weighing heavily upon her shoulders. It was entirely enchanting and a bit disconcerting at the same time.

Kathryn relaxed more deeply into the trance-like state and savored the thrumming of the energy within her. It reminded her a bit of Chakotay's vision quests, so she ventured out with her consciousness to meet his. She did not need to extend her senses very far to find his essence. He had kept himself at a respectful distance, but was right there, nonetheless. Her soul brushed his gently in the space between them and she couldn't help but smile to herself when his eyes opened wider to the sudden spiritual connection. She hadn't forgotten what he had once taught her about freeing her spirit and exploring with it. Once she found him, she allowed her spirit to wrap around his, engulfing herself in an internal blaze of energy. The erakataar between them was nearly forgotten.

Her eyes sparkled at him knowingly, burning with what had always been unspoken between them. All at once he was surrounded by the very essence of her, lost in the warm, peaceful feeling that flowed through and around them. Chakotay had never felt freer, or more out of control. He tore his eyes from Kathryn's and ventured a look at the erakataar in their hands.

Surprised he would choose to back away from what they were experiencing, Kathryn vaguely recalled a purpose for their "meditation" as his eyes settled on their hands. She looked down to find the most incredible ball of fire between them. The meanings for its various incarnations lost to them, they stared only a moment more at the white ball of flame between them, noting the smaller blue spheres of energy that moved about within it, before both raised their eyes to find the other's. The energy that filled them seemed to spike dangerously upward when their eyes again locked. Both of their hearts raced. Her breath coming in shallow pulls, Kathryn noticed Chakotay's breathing was more rapid also. She laughed softly at the image that came to mind of being 19 again, in the back of a land cruiser with Cheb Packer. It had been such a long time since she last felt such a need to be with a man. But then, Chakotay wasn't just any man.

When her left hand came up to cradle his right cheek, Chakotay inhaled sharply. A jolt passed between them, shooting straight to the heart of him. Her gentle laugh had not telegraphed the same emotion he now received from her hand on his face. Intoxicated, he took a slow, deep breath and brought his right hand up to cover hers. A part of him was aware of an alarm going off somewhere in his mind, but he quickly ignored it.

"I love you, Chakotay." They were the first words spoken since 'shall we?' and the last he had ever expected to hear her utter. Brought back to himself a bit by her declaration, he pulled the erakataar from her hand and placed it back on the coffee table without taking his eyes from hers. Taking her empty right hand in his left, he stared intensely into her smiling blue eyes as some of the erakataar's effects began to ebb.

"If you're waiting for me to sober up and take it back, we'll be here until morning," she whispered, leaning closer to him as the last of the unnatural sensations faded, leaving only the lingering sensation of falling into the dark depths of his eyes and being where she belonged.

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, unsure of what to say to her. Surely it was just a matter of time before she put a stop to her dangerous behavior and things returned to normal between them.

She raised a finger to his lips, gently tracing them as she spoke. "I know what you're thinking, but I had come to the realization before we even touched the erakataar. Denying it doesn't make it any less true, Chakotay. I'm tired of running from the truth." She leaned slowly toward him, smiling seductively at the confusion etched on his dark features.

Placing a light kiss on his lips, Kathryn leaned back and laughed. "You don't have anything you'd like to say to me, Commander?"

He once again opened his mouth only to close it. Without realizing he was doing it, Chakotay began to tap the back of his wrist, which Kathryn immediately noticed. She reached to still his hands. He looked at the erakataar, glowing only faintly and looking innocent on the table beside them, still at a loss for what to say to her.

"So, I bet you want to know what it meant? Let's see..." Kathryn pulled the tricorder from her lap and glanced down the list. "Mine says... Hmm... White light with blue spheres... Here we are. For me, the white represents my lingering fear that my feelings for you will lead to weakness. Hmm... The blue spheres symbolize the many responsibilities I place between us that must find a place within and outside of our relationship... Wow! I think that pretty much sums things up. Do you think you can find your voice long enough to read yours or should I?"

Chakotay fumbled with the tricorder, trying to get his evaluation on screen. Clearing his throat, he began with a slight falter to his voice. "It says the white represents the loyalty I feel for you, the purity of emotion. It claims the blue spheres would then symbolize others I must share you with. The combination shows my present inability to merge the two into one way of acting around you... Kathryn?" Chakotay stopped and put down the tricorder, taking her hands in his.

Kathryn waited for him to continue, sensing he still did not feel at ease with her declaration. She had to admit to herself that the situation was questionable at best, in light of the obvious altering effects of the object they had handled together. Feeling confident that she had not spoken a single word she didn't mean, she merely smiled at his hesitation and gently squeezed his hands.

"A part of me wants to believe what you said. A huge part. The problem is, I know there will be no going back. I couldn't do it. I couldn't allow myself to feel... anything more for you only to have you set new parameters when we return home." Smiling at his own use of the word 'home', Chakotay corrected himself. "Return to Voyager, I mean."

"Same thing, I suppose." Kathryn rose and walked over to the fire, throwing another log on and prodding the cinders with the fire poke. She squatted down in front of it and watched the new flames dance on the dry log. "Most of the crew thinks we're together anyway. It doesn't seem to be doing the command structure any undue harm."

He came up beside her and knelt down, taking the fire poke out of her hand and returning it to its hook. "Thinking and knowing may be two different things entirely. What I need to know is, if problems arose with the crew because of our relationship, would you stand by us or put the crew first?"

Kathryn rocked back onto her hands and sat down cross-legged. "Chakotay, you know I can't answer that unequivocally. I don't have the luxury of being that selfish. I can't predict right now what the crew's reaction will be, but I can tell you that if it becomes a safety issue or a major disciplinary issue, I would have to represent the majority of the crew with my actions. I can't make any promises beyond my word that I will work with you and not against you to build something between us. We've both known all along it wouldn't be easy if we chose this path."

"Which was, I thought, why you had so carefully avoided it all these months." He took a deep breath, sighing his frustration. Had he been asked what his reaction would be to her acknowledging her feelings for him, he never would have imagined the confusion and doubts that currently plagued his thoughts. He had always imagined scooping her up into his arms, swinging her through the air, and showering her with kisses. But then, he had never envisioned such a set of circumstances, nor had he really believed she ever would allow herself to love him. He smiled his most beguiling smile. "Now do you see what you've done? All your talk of why not has begun to convince ME. I've waited more than two years to hear you say you'll at least try and now I can only think of the reasons why this is dangerous!"

"I love you, Chakotay. I could keep saying it until you believe it..."

Getting to his feet, Chakotay looked down at his Captain, searching the blue depths of her eyes for any sign of alien influence or doubt. Not finding any, he walked to the bay window as he spoke, "Let's run through this again. We're both reasonable adults, right? That odd little purchase we made today clearly had altering effects, the extent of which we cannot guarantee are over and done with. You are my Captain; I am your First Officer. We are more than 50 years travel from Federation space. If things don't work out and we find we can no longer work with each other, where does that leave me? Do I leave, accept a demotion, stage a mutiny?"

Kathryn laughed softly. "I saw the holonovel of that one. If I recall correctly, I outsmarted you the first time you tried to kill me." She came to stand next to him as he stared off at alien constellations, his arms across his chest.

"We both know that scenario was far-fetched at best. If I couldn't kill you the first week, I could never do it now."

She turned to face him fully. "But the thought did cross your mind?"

He smiled slightly at the now strange memory, but continued to stare out the window. "My ship was destroyed and I was in the hands of the enemy. MANY thoughts crossed my mind. Not all of what I considered doing to you was quite so fatal."

Blushing, she nodded slowly, "Really, Commander? Dare I even ask?"

Chakotay could see from the corner of his eye that color had risen to her cheeks. He turned to face her, standing mere centimeters from her. "I can tell where your mind went. And yes, that had crossed my mind, too. In fact, there was one night, very early on, that if we hadn't been called to the bridge to fend off a Kazon attack, I might have made a move I couldn't take back."

A flutter ran through her stomach and the color renewed in her cheeks. "I'm willing now..."

"And that's what I don't understand! If we were onboard Voyager, I wouldn't question it. I would have thanked the spirits and thrown caution to the wind. But we're not onboard Voyager. Your crew is thousands of kilometers away; duty is but a memory for the time being..."

Silencing him with a hand on his arm, Kathryn cut in, "Why is this such an absurdity to you? My God! We've been dancing around each other since the first day I beamed you onto my bridge. Your 'Angry Warrior' legend dominates my thoughts in difficult times, bringing me a sense of peace and support I never dreamed I'd have as a Captain so far from Starfleet. This last year has been hard on me, Chakotay. Keeping you at arms length after watching your reaction to my death... Riley, the Borg, species 8472, all of the struggles we have surmounted, together. Our friendship not only survived, but deepened. Our private time together is precious to me; I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Not even a way home?" Chakotay whispered, staring out into the snowbound courtyard beneath their window. A chill passed through him and he involuntarily shivered.

Realization crept across Kathryn's features. "Is that what this is all about? Home? There is one promise I can make to you. When we get home, I won't rest until all of the Maquis aboard this ship have been granted complete absolution. Starfleet has too many other things to worry about these days, anyway, from the little news we've heard."

"And what if I choose to return to the Maquis' fight?" Turning from the window to gauge her immediate response, Chakotay watched Kathryn's eyes widen briefly before she composed herself.

"Would you? The man I have been serving with this last year I thought had gotten beyond the need to avenge his father's death. Surely you could find more productive, legal measures to take to restore the demilitarized zone, if it is even still an issue. If your time with the Vori taught you nothing else, I thought it had shown you how subjective the concepts of good and evil are in wartime."

A thousand images assailed his thoughts. The ruins of his colony after the Cardassians attacked, his father laid out on the day of his funeral, Kradin beasts torturing Vori children, the young soldier staked out in the sun to die... Some of it was all too real and some of it... He looked at his boots and slowly shook his head. "If I could take back some of the things I did in the Maquis, I would." Dark thoughts clouded Chakotay's eyes as he stared past her at nothing in particular.

She brought a hand up to his chest and smiled sadly. "I know. We all have our regrets. One of mine is pushing you away after what we shared on New Earth. I suppose I deserve your uncertainty. I have been aware of your feelings for me for so long. And of mine. How could I..."

The end of the sentence was abruptly forgotten as Chakotay suddenly grabbed her and crushed her in his arms. Not a single word was spoken; Kathryn wasn't sure she could have spoken if she wanted to under his iron embrace. Clutching her to his chest as if she were a talisman to ward off the memories, Chakotay took a slow, deep breath, filling himself with the clean, sweet scent of her.

His breath was hot against her neck and incredibly arousing. Parts of her she had long ago left for dead stirred as she began to run her hands over his broad back in lazy patterns. Without conscious thought, their breathing fell in together and Chakotay relaxed his grip on her, beginning to explore with his own hands. Placing maddeningly light kisses on her neck and behind her ear, he blew gently into her ear and was rewarded with a shudder and sharp intake of breath. She dropped a hand to cup his backside and pulled him more tightly to her. His teeth gently nipped an earlobe, then trailed slowly forward along her jawline as he sucked lightly on her skin. In all his fantasizing of this moment he had never gotten the taste of her quite right. Intoxicatingly sweet and for the asking.

"I love you, Kathryn," he breathed into her mouth as their lips met in that first electric kiss. She opened to him immediately, pulling him closer as they stood by the now darkening window. There was nothing shy or hesitant about their contact. Too many months of denial and desire had led them to this for it to be anything less than certain and passionate and far more intense than she had imagined.

She broke free of him, gasping for air, tiny beads of sweat forming on her brow. Running a hand down his arm to grasp his fingers, she drew him toward the bed, smiling. "Now, Commander. I've waited long enough."

Dimples standing out from his flushed face, he began to remove her uniform slowly and with much care. "As you wish, Captain."


End file.
